ALONGSIDE OUR ANIMAL FRIENDS, we too as humans have intraspecies predators; humans who prey on humans and people who have innate tendencies to exploit and control others. This approach works for them and they live amongst us as partners, parents, sibling, extended family, teachers, carers, colleagues, neighbours etc.              

WE SEEM TO HAVE THIS IDEA that either there are no dangerous people out there or these ‘dangerous’ people are easy to spot and therefore we would never let them near us, our children or our families. The evidence says the opposite; we talk freely to people online, go on dating apps - some people even fall in love before the’ve even met; Adults and teens alike  share personal information and sometimes give away extraordinary amounts of money to these wolves in sheep’s clothing.                          

OUR TEENS AND YOUTH ARE VULNERABLE in the online realm from strangers who will validate they are attractive, strong, impressive, whatever the need might be. Teens are coerced or groomed for sexual exploitation by predators who pretend to be peers and love bomb young minds to exploit them further in many dreadful ways. Our teens will communicate with strangers more often than not, innocently entering into engagement that could be fraught with danger. 

AS A GLOBAL COMMUNITY we have become 'comfortable’ with ‘strangers’ and comfortable with handing away parts of ourselves that need to be protected. THIS HAS MADE US MORE VULNERABLE.

ONE OF THE MOST concerning things about dangerous people is that they are experts at hiding in plain sight and wear very convincing ‘masks’ and utilise covert and powerful psychological tools of persuasion to pull us into their web in order to make us feel loved and secure. Then, once they have us, like the story of the the frog in the pot of slowly heating water that doesn’t realised she is about to be cooked, we also don’t realise that our relationship is becoming progressively more and more abusive and we too are about to be cooked. 

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT enter into relationships for love and connection but instead for power and control, material gain, a sense of innate superiority or to mask or avoid their own insecurities and trauma, or simply for a twisted sense of pleasure in dominating others. Whatever the reason, they all use very similar strategies to manipulate others into getting their needs met and from my point of view, THIS IS THE GOOD NEWS because it means we can learn these strategies and arm ourselves in return with knowledge that becomes our power.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD, in her extraordinary thesis Psychopaths, Narcissists, Machiavellians, Toxic Leaders, Coercive Controllers: Subsets of One Overarching ‘Dark’ Personality Type? describes destructive people as ‘dark personalities’. Here is a quote from her research.

“A DARK PERSONALITY NEEDS to be the centre of all attention and advantage and be able to control and exert power over others, including (especially) vulnerable dependents. They will be deceitful, manipulative and predatory - extracting advantage by exploiting the vulnerabilities of others. They are gratified by the distress of their targets as an expression of their power. They actively seek the destruction of those who oppose or resist them.” (pg 159 need title etc.)

IN MY PRACTICE, I use the word ‘dangerous’ so as to cast a wider net than the usual villainous diagnosable types, (but don’t worry, they are definitely included here). THE TERM IS NOT A DIAGNOSIS, or commonly used in psychological vernacular.

DANGEROUS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN studied extensively and there is a lot of information out there sitting in university libraries, in self help books all the way to social media platforms such as Tik Tok, Instagram etc. WHEN I USE THE WORD ‘dangerous’ it is not my intention to focus on the perpetrator and doing them the service of getting a diagnosis exactly right. I choose to focus on the lived experience of the victim/survivors and the psychological harm that has been inflicted on them and breaking down the stigma and self blame they carry. My interest is in supporting the recovery and healing of the victims and to do my best to help you understand the the enormity of what you have survived because dangerous people leave very destructive legacies in their wake; they stay in your head and impact your life even when they are not there.

IT IS LEARNING TO strengthen your vulnerabilities, lean into your strengths and build supports around you that will help you recover and learn the ways of dangerous people.

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